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It was a most particularly cold day, where Estelle stayed indoors at the local royal library. She was awaiting a friend named Marcilyn Locket, who despite being a friend, was only a mere commoner. Yet despite being so, they shared a great interest: to invent and create machinery. Unfortunately, that always seemed to get in the way of her family, who thought it outlandish, and strange that a princess would dare enjoy such a job. After all, the princess spent more time reading books than attending parties.


She always had her nose in the books, and her cousins never liked it. Meyhra and Arvilla were only two of her seven cousins. She didn’t have any sisters nor brothers, but such was typical in her royal family. Meyhra was the snooty girl, while Arvilla was a loud mouth. They never agreed with anything she said.


Estelle was simply waiting, until an exceptionally angry Arvilla entered the room; Meyhra trailing behind her silently. Estelle could see that Arvilla was fuming with anger. She was covered in sweat as if she’d been sword fighting, despite the fact that the Duke’s daughter hardly knew how to raise a sword. Her frustration was radiating off of her.


Estelle didn’t know what to think the moment she looked into her eyes- Meyhra looked almost timid compared to her, and Arvilla was none the wiser compared to her cousin. The glasses were falling from her face as she fisted her hands, walking side to side.


She stopped when she saw Estelle. Estelle smiled, and for some odd reason was feeling the urge to make small talk.


“How do you do?” The princess asked.


“Shut up, Princess of Nothing,” Arvilla spat. Meyhra stayed silent, watching the scene unfold.


“Does that make you the Duchess of Nothing then?” Estelle argued. “Because quite frankly, I’ve never seen you do anything other than party.”


“Oh shut it. You know nothing of the importance of being a lady,” Arvilla stated.


“You really think I care about being a lady?” Estelle asked.


“Of course not. On the other hand, maybe your brother would care,” Meyhra playfully countered. Despite getting into the argument at the last minute, Meyhra’s words were full of punch.


Estelle paused, her throat clenched with sorrow. What did they know about her brother? What did she know about her brother? It’d been far too long since he passed on. They’d never understand- how could they?


“My brother wouldn’t care, because he’s already dead,” The princess explained. “Just because I’m next in line to the throne, doesn’t mean I want to be. I was too young to know him, but I know he would have made a great king, a much better of a ruler than I.”


Meyhra became silent. Arvilla wouldn’t even look at Estelle, as if they realized they’d made a mistake. The two cousins looked at each other, and with a slight gulp, exited the room. A small book dropped from Meyhra’s pouch, but she didn’t realize it and exited the room in a hurry. Estelle picked it up, overcome with angst. She tightly gripped it and walked to the nearest seat to read it. At first, she hesitated, feeling a strange sensation come over her, but continued on.


She realized that it was Meyhra’s personal diary, and the words had been anything but snarky. Meyhra talked about a life where her mother was always gone, that her father was too busy to talk to her, and about the long list of attempts her father had tried to have other children. They all died of some horrible disease, a horrible legacy of death at a very young age. Throughout the journal, she talked about how Arvilla was sick with grief over the loss of her mother. It was by the same kind of disease that killed all of her siblings. Estelle was not even aware that the Duchess had died; she never stayed in touch with her family. But as the truth sank in, Estelle’s reality was shattered. The aunt was gone and would never return.


Estelle never felt this numb before. Why did her cousins treat her this way all these years? They had no right to treat each other like this, even though they both have gone through similar pasts. The princess gripped the book and walked in the direction of her cousins, hoping to give them some sort of advice. Certainly after her brother’s loss she felt the same, but she never let that control her. The more she thought about it, the more it stood out to her that she should confront the two.


However, the moment she arrived in front of them, she had no idea what to say. The only loss she’d ever experienced was her brother. She had gotten over the grief of losing him, yet she was still young in comparison to her cousins. Her cousins had lost so much in such little time. How could they cope with such?


Returning the diary to Meyhra, her anger towards her cousins diminished. Without a second thought, she hugged Meyhra, and Meyhra grew stiff until she pulled away. She knew exactly how they felt. It was so overwhelming to her, the sensation that she felt. It was almost like it was choking her.  Warm tears ran down the sides of her cheeks, and soon Estelle realized she was crying. Out of embarrassment she immediately rubbed the tears from her eyes.


It struck her right in the gut. Family was just as important as her duties with the rain machine. She’d been neglecting her family all too long, never attempting to get to know them. Even if she didn’t always get along with her mother- nor her father, or any of her cousins… she still knew they were still family, and that Meyhra and Arvilla were struggling with the same kind of demons she’d had her entire life. Had she tried to understand how they felt in the first place, they would have probably gotten along better. She didn’t know, but the moment Meyhra saw her crying, the duchess felt guilty, and softened up.


“I never understood you two at all, did I?” Estelle asked them, sniffling.


Meyhra’s brow raised in response, as if the question took her aback.


“What do you mean by that, Estelle?” She asked, with genuine surprise. Then she remembered the diary in her hand.


“Oh...that…” Meyhra said, her voice trailing off as she gripped the diary. “You read it, huh?”


“Yeah…” Estelle said, pausing as if she knew she were in trouble.


“I’m sorry,” Meyhra apologized. It was a surprise to her: she’d never heard such words emitting from her cousin. “I didn’t think. I just… I was frustrated. After the death of my mother, I became more vulnerable to intolerance.”


“It’s… it’s fine,” Estelle said. She wiped more tears away, sniffling again. “I had no idea what was going on. I’m so out of touch with my family…”


“Hey, it’s alright.” Arvilla came forward, placing a hand on her shoulder. “That’s what families are for, right? Annoying the heck out of each other, yet hurting inside. I’m really sorry I acted like that… If anything, I was so angry over my mother’s death that I took it out on other people. It’s not fair, and I know it. I’m sorry I did that… I didn’t mean what I said.”


“I want to treat both of you better from now on,” Estelle told her, wiping her tears. “No more fights. No more hurtful comments. Just peace.”


The two cousins looked at her with surprise, a sympathetic look in their eyes. Arvilla let go of her shoulder, a sad expression on her face. They eventually relaxed, Meyhra being the first one to speak.


“Truthfully, we should treat you better as well,” Meyhra said. “After all, what are families for?”


Estelle paused at this. She couldn’t ever imagine such words coming from Meyhra. Arvilla nodded her head, agreeing with her. They were family, and they needed to be treated like such. There was no exception to this. They didn’t always get along, but they were still family. Maybe she should start treating them like such.


Finally, Estelle had stopped crying. She gave a small smile, and solemnly nodded her head.

“I’m glad you understand,” Estelle thankfully admitted. “I thought no one would ever be able to understand what it’s like to like to lose someone dear to you…”


“Hey, it’s okay,” Arvilla told her. “Let’s get some tea from the servants. I’m sure it’ll cheer you up.”


This was the most unexpected day for Estelle, but it was the start of a new beginning.
This story's original plan turned into my essay for English class :XD: I added a moral to it, to give it more characterization and a deeper connection with the main character Estelle and her cousins Meyhra and Arvilla. Of course, I took the actual Essay bits out and left the story with it. How true it actually is to the main story, depends on what you think the relationship between Estelle and her cousins' is. I know at some point their forgiveness for their actions may happen, but that's another story for another day. This  describes it happening sooner, so it's a little bit off from the main story- but hey! It makes a fantastic plotline for a short story.

Here you get to see a side of Meyhra and Arvilla you thought you'd never see hehehehe XD It was very fun to write! And I got a decent grade too! (Though I got marked down for grammar OTL XD Had I not been marked down for grammar, I would have gotten a perfect score hehehe )

I have another short story coming next weekend! :D I'll hopefully be drawing a picture this weekend as well c:

Feel free to critic me if you have anything you want to share! I have no questions this time (I don't have anything in particular I want picked out) but I have a lot of hope you'll be able to pinpoint something I mucked up that my teacher or the other 5 people I showed this to, didn't see :XD: (LOL)
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:iconevevon:
Ahhh first time for me reading your story! Very cute, and your characters seem to have a lot of personality :D Now I do have some things I noticed, and I'll just call them out. They are just observations, but they are things I would have done differently. Please don't pay much attention to the scores, I have no clue what I'm doing as this is my first critique XD (What do they even mean by vision? I just rated that category as "how enjoyable is it to read" )

Anyway!

I like the nice introduction for those who do not know the character all too well. It may be a bit too short for those who do not know the character at all, but I took it that this story was not a standalone.

But, the first thing I notice is that there is not a lot of description! What does the place look like? We know it is a royal library, but we do not get much more info aside of this! We also don't get to hear what Estelle or Meyhra and Arvilla particularly look like. What are they wearing? The only one who gets a bit of description is Arvilla, and that part was very good even though something more concrete could have been added. I have no clue what the character looks like, but for example I would rewrite the part where she comes in as:

"Estelle was waiting in her comfortable brown-leathered chair as suddenly the door at the back of the room dramatically swung open. The silence that was remniscent of this place and which she had enjoyed up to this point was mercilessly destroyed by the angry Arvilla who now entered the room. Estelle peeked over the book she was reading and saw the young woman entering her peaceful place like a destructive whirlwind. Her brown hair that had meticulously been taken care of by her personal maid now hung over her forehead in sweaty strands and covered her angry eyes. Estelle wondered if the girl had been swordfighting, but then reminded herself the Duke's daughter hardly knew how to raise a sword. (<-I love this sentence!) In all the turmoil, Estelle had barely noticed that Meyhra had silently entered the room as well. With a sorrowful expression on her face, she almost looked timid in contrast."

Please note that I also made some other changes: I tried to avoid strong words like "x is angry" or "x is frustrated". If someone is angry or frustrated, the trick is to show it through their actions :D

Talking about actions, it's another thing I noticed: you tend to write the actions as they are, be careful it won't become a summation! (i.e. "and then she did a, followed by b, then she did c." ) One trick to do this, is again to describe before you write the actions, or describe the actions more carefully. For example instead of writing "estelle didn't know what to think the moment she looked into her eyes" I wrote it as estelle looking up from her book and noticing Arville, and then describing Arville's eyes passively while focussing on Estelle's thoughts. In that way the reader will already know that Estelle doesn't know what to think: because you describe her thoughts in such a way!

That brings me to the next point: the story sometimes feels a bit rushed. And I think that's also because it is very action-heavy. Describing things are what slows down the narrative, whereas a lot of action and short sentences speeds it up. Now that you only have the latter, it feels like the reader has to read it very fast. This works well if the scene demands it (for example someone is being followed by a creepy monster or something) but I doubt Arville is that scary ;P

One of the last things I noticed was that when Estelle picked up the diary, it came across as quite convenient. Of course it's convenient, because it's part of the story :D The thing is you need to trick the readers suspention of disbelief. And again that's hard to do without description. I would try to find a way to make Arville losing the diary sound more natural. For example have Estelle notice the diary before, already sticking out of her pouch. Make Arville for example swing her pouch in anger as she turns around and storms off. (like the bitchy hair flipping but then with a pouch, idk XD ) And make Estelle wait, contemplate "what is that book, should I return it immediately? (only to notice Arville has left already)" Describe the diary, because Estelle will probably study it a lot before she actually opens it. This is a great opportunity to describe something, and make your audience curious as well :D

The last thing is that the development goes so fast! And you already mentioned it that in your actual book this development will go slower, so that's a good thing! I think though that if you made it a bit more subtle it would come across as more believable, because in this short story we had too little time to get accustomed to the characters, and they were more than willing to immediately set aside their personal resentments and stubbornness just to get along.

All in all I really did enjoy the story a lot! It's very endearing, and I wish people would in fact listen so well to one another like in this story :D Their backstories seem legit and explain their motivation too, they seem like well constructed characters. The story goes a bit too quick for them to realistically cope with their struggles, but I believe that's something you already recognised yourself. A very interesting read! I hope you find my critique useful and not too long XD
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:iconobelis:
Obelis Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
What an interesting views on princesses in this country! In my opinion, an educated princess is better than the one whose head is only about entertainment. Though I understand the appeal of a princess in a party. :la:

Family relationships are more complicated than most other kind of relationships. :nod: After all, that's the only relationship that we don't choose people into. It's decided by fate, and so sometimes we have to cope with people with whom we would never talk if we weren't related by blood.
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah! You'd think they'd put emphasis on education, but nooope. Entertainment is obviously more important! :XD:

Yes! Estelle does not have the best family, but at the very least, she can continue to rebel and appreciate her true loves and talents. And I agree :nod: Sometimes we just have to go with what fate gives us. 
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:iconkiwijr:
KiwiJr Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2016
A nice story. One would thing that people would be more careful with their most personal belongings :XD:

It was a good reading. I apologize again for taking so long to read. I'm glad to know more about Estelle's family :)
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Hahaha yep! Meyhra's just oblivious. It's a trait of hers that she's destined to have :XD:

Awww it's okay <3 I've been taking way too long to get back to people and comment on their works, so I completely understand c: The in depth conversations I once loved to have, seem to have lost it's meaning for me, which makes me very sad. I miss being able to stay up all night and talk to people all the time. :( I can't believe I'm slacking like this, I promised myself I'd never do this... I'm all sad now :XD: Now I feel like commenting on everything again hahahaha at least as much as I can... it's the weekend after all c:

Estelle has a very nice family, even if she'd never admit it LOL :XD: I love writing about Meyhra, Arvilla and Margarette alike :XD:
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:iconkiwijr:
KiwiJr Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2016
Your life changed, you must keep up. Understandable ;)

You will have more chances to expand Estelle family's tree :aww:
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for understanding c:

Ahhh yes! I did look back at an old story with a character named Yvette who was apparently going to be Estelle's sister- now I'm itching to make her a cousin of Estelle's and a mean one at that :XD: I feel like Estelle will have 7 cousins, from 3-4 different groups, and 4 of the 7 being girls. Yvette is younger than Meyhra- she is 16 when Estelle is 14, whereas Meyhra was 17 years of age (I think... she's one year older than Arvilla. ) her basic personality is that everyone is inferior to her, even those who are older. She's worse than Meyhra and Arvilla combined, but she's of a lesser power than the two of them, so she's highly hypocritical. Supposedly, she's a direct descendant of the original queen of Netheron, but has no given witch powers. (And I'm sorry for writing an essay again... I do this a lot LOL :XD: )
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:iconkiwijr:
KiwiJr Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2016
Of course I do :aww:

And you shouldn't apologize for being so passionate with your books. It's good that you have people who are willing to hear your ideas, and yours are interesting and have potential ;)
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Awwww you're making me feel all warm inside :love: I'm really glad you like my ideas c: I love writing them!
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:iconkiwijr:
KiwiJr Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2016
Never give up on your dreams! :)
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:iconlydia-san:
lydia-san Featured By Owner Edited Jan 26, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ooooh the story I've been waiting for! I just got home from a very tiring work and saw this aweeee this made me happy!
Great work, full of emotions, and the reconciliation in the end is perfect :)
I'll be looking forward for their interaction as "real cousins" in the future stories :D

Hmm, and as usual, the feedbacks^^
“You really think I care about being a lady?” Estelle asked. --> there's no problem with this, but imagining Estelle's personality in my POV, how about if she said, "what makes you think I care about being a lady?" lol it's just more piercing =p but you don't have to use it if it doesn't actually suit Estelle. Just an idea :)
 It’d been far too long since he passed on. --> I think it should be passed away? but idk since my English is not that good, just thought it might be a typo.
- The narration part has been reduced and turned into conversation instead ^^ I love it. I think you could still improve on it anyhow. Also, I just thought, even if you use a lot of narration, maybe you could make it more dynamic... Idk how to say this, but I'll try to rewrite a part. I'm not good at writing but as a reader I think this would be more interesting:
At first, she hesitated, feeling a strange sensation come over her, but continued on.

Meyhra’s personal diary. The words had been anything but snarky.

(Feb 21, 1943)
Mother is away again. I wonder if she would spent some time with me. I'm lonely, and dad is nowhere to be found. I bet he's into the paperwork again. Why do mom and dad always work day and night? I don't understand them at all.
Lucky I got you Diary :)

(Mar 10, 1944)
Mom passed away yesterday. Today I'm visiting her grave. So i couldn't spend much time with her until her death. I wonder if she ever think about me. I wonder if she missed me at all.
To think of it, almost all of my family suddenly died because of certain disease. I wonder if Arvilla and I will meet the same fate.

(Dec 09, 1944)
I saw Avrilla cried in the garden today. She's missing mom again. Mom is gone and will never return. I missed her too, but now the memories are fading away. Or perhaps, I'm pretending that it's fading away. How strong can a person be, to accept the truth about her mother's death?
I don't think I could ever get over it.


A drop of water falls on the untidy writings, blurring the words.
Why am I crying? I've never felt this numb before. Why did they treat me this way all these years? Why did I never talk to them about their past? We had no right to treat each other like this, even though we both might have gone through similar pasts.

Staggering to reach the door, the princess--with the book on her hands--trying to catch up with the cousins. It's time to end this pointless hatred. It's time to free them from the pain. Estelle knows exactly how it feels to be trapped in her own desperation. Certainly after her brother’s loss she felt the same, but she never let that control her. The more she thought about it, the more it stood out to her that she should confront the two.


Well, Idk which one you prefer Viv, I guess everyone has their own style. But I just think that the variation in narration can make the story more interesting to read, also can drag the readers to be in first-person position (not the third person).

Also, the last part, when Estelle meets her cousins. You seem to narrate their feelings a lot. But sometimes, feelings is better not narrated. For example, to create an emotional scene, maybe just describing that they look to each others to the eyes, without saying a word. Suddenly the tears fell, and Estelle took the first step and hugged Meyhra or sth like that. In short, creating a scene that will bring out readers' feelings without directly wrote it in narration.

-Another idea:
after this part: 
“I’m glad you understand,” Estelle thankfully admitted. “I thought no one would ever be able to understand what it’s like to like to lose someone dear to you…”
rather than Avrilla asking them to have a tea, I prefer you tell us a bit about them in the future.
A week passed. A servant was watering the garden and humming little tunes while she saw three beautiful princess sipping their tea and laughing cheerfully. As far as she knows, they don't get along so well. But hey, it's nice that the actually do!

Hahaha I tried :XD: lol I know you can do much better than me Viv.


So, that's all I can tell you I guess. I hope it helps, and keep up the great work!
Oh and my fav part:
“I never understood you two at all, did I?” Estelle asked them, sniffling. Danisnotonfire: FEELS 
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Ohhhh thank you <33 And thanks so much for the wonderful critique! It's very helpful! c: I'll really have to go through and edit this story a bit, since I got two such nice thorough reviews c:

Just to clarify, Meyhra and Arvilla may not reconcile with Estelle until much, much later in the Netheron series. But they may not as well, and in fact may not even be around much more longer than this. To say anymore, would produce spoilers for the future books, but I do have plans on somehow expanding their role in the story. Possibly not anything more than secondary characters- but if I were writing a fourth book, they would be the main characters alongside Estelle, and maybe Marcilyn. (Mae and Otto would possibly help on the sidelines, but the main characters would definitely be Meyhra and Arvilla. But I'm getting ahead of myself LOL Just in the planning stages haha :XD: )

1) You're so right. Estelle would be a ton more snarky with that statement. I was looking for a way to have her "spit it out" and I think you nailed it with that. Thank you!

2) I don't believe that's a typo? Maybe just something I said a little strangely... I don't think it's really wrong or anything, just possibly the abnormal way of saying that someone "moved on" or "passed on" or "passed away" I think we have various ways of saying that someone became deceased LOL :XD: There's no right way to say it. (English is strange yes :XD: )

3) I do think me and my friend discussed this as well (writing out the journal entries) the reason I chose not to do it, is because I didn't want to make my professor feel melancholy LOL :XD: I might add it in when I go back to this, while looking at your examples, because I too agree that it would suit the story more. c: Thank you for pointing it out though, I really appreciate it! I think that would help dramatize the story as well! :D

4) Ohhh switching POVs and then talking about their future? I'll have to think of a creative way I can do that. Be nice to write out a small scene with them sipping tea together and sharing jokes. Ultimate cuteness right there x3

And yes, this does help immensely!!! Thank you so much! :glomp: I really appreciate you taking the time to leave such a wonderful critique! :D
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:iconlydia-san:
lydia-san Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oooh Vivii I'm so glad it helps! :D sorry for the late reply asdfghjkl lots of messages come in and work is killing me. Lol =p
Oh that's okay. Heheh I'm just glad they reconcile in the end :hug:
Oooh and about the passed on, I'm sorry (that's why I said my english is poor lol), hehe now I learned more vocab :XD:
And you're very welcome :hug: thank you for always being a support to me too!

*psst psstt.... looks like I get a new job. Well, I haven't signed the contract yet, but looks like I got it =p
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Ohhhh my gosh, I'm so sorry for the extremely late comment OTL I've been pretty busy with midterms and all OTL

It really does! <3 And it's definitely okay! I know I struggle to reply to messages these days myself... I tend to think I have to reply / comment on everything LOL :XD:

Yep, they should at some point! Probably won't be the prequel though... I hope it'll work out at least! /crosses fingers

Looool it's okay <3 I think your English is pretty good! Also, I had no clue how... but I ended up writing a song inspired by our conversation LOL :XD: It's another theme song for Estelle! :la: Hopefully I'll have the confidence to post it :giggle:

Ohhh awesome! :la: I'm so glad, I hope it works out for you c:
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:iconlydia-san:
lydia-san Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Talking about the extremely late comment...............
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLL I'm feeling ridiculous loooll I'm so sorry Viiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvvv uhuhuhuhuh TT__TT
I'm still adapting but I think I'm getting the hang of it. And now struggling to clean my flooding inbox lololol.
Oooh I've seen it in my notif asdfghjkl I would like to hear it... soon!! :D
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Nuuuuuu Lyyyyyddiaaaa, duuuuun feeeel ridiculous! :spiderglomp: If anything, I'm just as ridiculous tooooooo I haven't replied to some messages since like 2 months ago. I have 5 pages worth of super long messages. I'm baaaaaad XD

Hahaha, that's what it's like to be popular though! I feel yoooourr paaaaain I can barely keep up with submitting / commenting anymore ;n; Especially because some of my watchers post super long things (not their fault, I love long comments ) and then I'm required to write like 50000000 super long, multi-paragraph comments, while a super busy student in college. Life's not fair, I wanna reply to them aaaaaaallllllll XDDDDD

Ooooo can't wait to see what you think! I made it in like, 4 hours at midnight. XD I'm a real insomniac LOL
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:iconlydia-san:
lydia-san Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ahahahahahahahahaahhh yes I got a friend in this "comment cave" lol.
Yeah that's it!! I wanna reply to them all as well!! Really I miss chatting with my friends in DA :(
Also, I'm not doing so well in the job. Something wrong is going on and everyone's being a victim of the new management staffs' regulations :(
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Hahaha indeed :XD: We're in the comment cave together!

Me too :c Life keeps me so busy though. Especially with finals just around the corner...

Oh no :( That sucks. I hope it will all work out for you, and things will settle down. I've heard things like that happening in America before to people, it's not fun. They really shouldn't have you work 6 days a week as well, it's absolutely crazy. (I saw your journal post but haven't replied yet) It can happen here too, but it appears to be rare in most cases.
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:iconstarrnacht:
StarrNacht Featured By Owner Edited Jan 24, 2016
this is lovely and i really enjoyed it. it was nice to read something sort of lighthearted and cute. :heart: i was a little worried but i love how things ended up ok in the end
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Awww thank you :love: 5 Different people read this (It was originally an essay), so the original story has really transformed into something nice c: I'm really glad I took this into this direction, because it was a lot better than my original plan. :D
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:iconstarrnacht:
StarrNacht Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2016
that's pretty cool, i think you went in a great direction with it though. <3
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Awwww thank you! :love:
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:iconstarrnacht:
StarrNacht Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2016
you're welcome <3
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:iconnaysae:
Naysae Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
oh gosh the feelings for all three of them are intense ; v ;; ahhh they really have gone through so much haven't they ?? 
and this really does teach a message about trying to understand one another even through such difficult times //v\\ nice job !!~
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you <333 Ahhhh yes, they are quite intense!  And yes, they really have! My poor poor characters ;n; Happy to see that Meyhra and Arvilla have a good side to them though, and will treat Estelle to a cup of tea! :D
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:iconevevon:
EveVon Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2016
I sent you a critiquee~ I like your story, yay! It really has lots of potential :D
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Ahhhh thank you <3 I really appreciate you taking the time to write  such a well developed critique c:
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:iconevevon:
EveVon Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2016
you're welcome!! :D
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:iconkalinereine:
KalineReine Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2016  Professional Writer
Awwww, that was really sweet! ;w; I love it! It started out really heated and dramatic, and then went into something a lot more mellow. I feel so bad for all of them, they all deserve so many hugs... But I think it's interesting the way she found out such tragic news. The general message of peace and understanding at the end was charming and heartwarming. :love:

I didn't notice anything wrong with it, but great work on this. :heart:
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Ahhhh thank you <33 Hahaha, I tried to keep things based around a moral, since that was the assignment after all :XD: I'm happy that my story was able to make it through okay. It's been a while since I've written something that didn't have LGBT undertones, so it was a nice break from all that c: I'm really happy with how it turned out as a whole :D
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January 22, 2016
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