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Netheron Chapter 3 by Vivyi Netheron Chapter 3 by Vivyi

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Netheron is a graphic novel, meaning that you will see artwork alongside the story. Expect both art and writing combined in this tale.


Hopefully the twists make sense in this chapter~ If I recall correctly, this is the chapter where Mae and Otto first meet Estelle. I really hope you enjoy this chapter~ I know it's a bit of a long shot this time, usually because of the way the intervention with Estelle is written (Holograms in the Victorian era? Seriously? XD ) But I tried to make it work~ I hope you enjoy as always~ :D

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Netheron Chapter 2 by Vivyi     Netheron Chapter 4 by Vivyi
                                        




               

  Art and Writing © Vivienne Waltzer. Do not edit or reproduce without my explicit permission. I encourage however, for you to spread the word. 
                                    
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:iconarasteia:
And number four:
“Such words could so easily overwhelm her” – can you show us more of this overwhelming? Fast breathing, trembling hands?
“dragged to corruption like dreams turn to nightmares” – I really like this line
“her broken vows” – what vows? Is it a family matter to handle the rain machine? Why did she break the vows? What are the consequences for doing so?
“Drusilla was a wanted criminal” – what did she do? Why hasn’t she been caught yet? Don’t people know where she lives? What does Mae think of this?
“curtsied and left the room” – This may be the last time Mae ever sees her mother – how does she feel?
“sparkly shadows” – Seems like a bit of an oxymoron to me
“pop his head into the room… one of the seats” – If he was already sitting in the room, how could he pop in his head?
“the first sign of any emotion” – but didn’t she seem strained before?
“technically, I’d be a queen” – this sentence seems very out of the blue to me
“Mae’s eyebrow raised at this face” – It seems a bit of an under-reaction to finding out that the merchant’s boy is a prince who had been in an arranged marriage with the antagonist
“an army of hundreds” – what army? Does she mean the townspeople’s rebellion? Do they really count as an army?
“Her expression changed to a worrisome look” – another very sudden mood swing, so I’m thinking that this is a trait of Estelle’s?
“stayed silent” – But the next sentence is her shouting?
“it is in the wrong hands” – I love this line. Another line of dialogue that tells me so much about a character

So far I think that what I really want is more engagement with the characters. This would strengthen the impact, like you wanted. So I think what you might want to consider doing is adding in more non-dialogue. Just details like thoughts, reactions, expressions. Not too much, but just enough to give me an idea of what the characters in the scene are doing and feeling.
I'm enjoying it though, and looking forward to reading the next one!
What do you think?
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:iconobelis:
Obelis Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Somehow, I have a feeling that before rain machine was invented, rain just fell naturally and invention ruined more than helped. :notimpressed: 

So Estelle doesn't think she can fix the error. Kind of running from responsibility, huh?

But I understand why Drusilla would have good feelings for Estelle. Maybe the princess is stuck in her role - she cannot stop playing the merciless tyrant anymore even if she wants. And maybe she actually needs someone's help to escape that role.

Though I'm honestly getting confused about technology level in this planet. All the deal with a princess, people highly depending on crops and the clothing style - yes, it doesn't indicate modern times. I guess the most modern technologies were inherited from ancestors who once arrived here from Earth?
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
You never know :giggle: The rain could have been acid rain or something and that's why they invented that invention xD

Perhaps hahaha :nod: She seems to be that type xD

You might be on to something ;P  We  can't help but wonder: why is she that merciless tyrant in the first place?

Precisely :nod: As I explain in future stories, the whole reason they live so backwards, and yet have futuristic technology is because of the steam rocket that they traveled from around 2200 to go backwards in the solar system, and therefore backwards in time until they hit the alien planet that they now have settled in. The time they live in now, is roughly 1850... so being "backwards in time" caused some of the folk to adapt to an older way of thinking, while some of the newer settlers brought advanced technology. I might really want to make that clear in the prequel though XD
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:iconobelis:
Obelis Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
That's some science fiction right here!

If time travel in this universe is possible.. it makes me wonder if any of the characters will ever try to bring it into their lives.
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Indeed~

They probably won't be able to... because of the fact that their "time travel device" the rocket ship, became completely destroyed as a result of the Drethanarians. xD And nobody has been successfully able to reinvent it. c: Not even Estelle or any of the royal Netheronians. xD So they're technically stuck backwards in time c:
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:iconkalinereine:
KalineReine Featured By Owner Edited Jul 19, 2015  Professional Writer
Well this was a huge shock! I can't believe who Drusilla turned out to be, that is intense. My jaw dropped when Mae actually got to meet Estelle! Oh my... “Please remember what I told you.” that is going to stick with me for a long while. It sounds very ominous... A lost little girl, hmm... I can see it. She sounds like she's almost being forced to play the villain but against her will, or maybe she has no other choice. And poor Mae, being caught in between everything and told so many different things. Again, very familiar to me. I can tell this is going to be an amazing read. I like how this revealed a lot, while still maintaining an air of secrecy. Intriguing... :heart: 
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:iconvivyi:
Vivyi Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha, poor Mae indeed. Being told way too many things... who does she trust? Where does she go to? And poor Estelle too... it's unfortunate that they be put into this type of circumstances. Now you see why she's the antagonist :XD:
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:iconkalinereine:
KalineReine Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2015  Professional Writer
I definitely see that, yes. :nod: I feel bad for both of them because it seems they are just victims of circumstance. But the best stories are almost always set up that way. c;
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